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A TRIBUTE TO A TRUE ROTARIAN
(Life After Marriage)
By: Megs S. Lunn
Some people and friends are curious what now after eleven years of
togetherness, what’s next? I just shrugged it off and smile.
Do I ever wonder how I did get over it? That’s what they thought,
but, not yet. Not too fast. Time heals as they said.
I don’t know what I would do without my wonderful hubby, was the
first thing that came to mind when I learned the inevitable. What
upset me is the thought of not having him around anymore, asking me
first hour in the morning, “did you slept good, love?” Followed by
his usual cheerful reminder of, “where’s my coffee?” and giggled.
Now, I am thinking, he just magically disappeared. I remember lying
in bed one night and woke up the next day, he is truly gone. How
much longer until I feel good again? The holidays and special
occasions can be difficult with the loss of a loved one.
The event of loosing someone would have triggered me
nervous-breakdown. But, NO. I had to tell myself several times, I
will be alright. My daughter and I will be fine. I have to calm down
and go on with my life.
Patience is a virtue that I have inherited from my beloved husband.
His devotion to our togetherness and fighting for our relationship
was the most cherished memoirs of him.
Going back 11 years ago, getting into a commitment of a lifetime
relationship right after College was no regret. But rather, facing
life’s challenges. Knowing what’s lies ahead of you and facing the
truth of a beautiful life together is far beyond comparison. Nothing
can compare the life he, our daughter and I had together and the
bonding of love is the best gift he left us.
Yet, now, it is exciting to note the life after marriage. There is
more challenge to it. There is more life after marriage. Friends
overflowing, they are now my greatest blessings from above.
Responsibility probably is the biggest thing for me has to bear
today. Looking after a “baby who is now a lady” will be a big
challenge for me while getting back on track. Especially that she
grew up with more bonding with her Dad than with me. Fortunately,
she grew up to be a respectable, thoughtful, kind, smart and lovely
Unica Hija that I have prayed for.
But just like any other loved one who have gone and said their last
sentence, “please be happy for me and go on with your life,” is what
I am doing now. Like he always used to say to me, “After all the
star of many who has potential to excel shouldn't be wasted.”
I am slowly getting back on tract at the moment. To use all the
energy and resources to stretch my hand to make other people happy.
I guess, this is what my purpose in life. In order for me to be
happy and enjoy life after marriage, I have to make other people
happy first. To serve beyond the call of duty and service can’t be
exchange with any monetary compensation. The happiness that I feel
now is a journey and not a destination. This is the truth. Our life
will always be filled with many challenges. It’s best to admit this
to our self and decide to be happy anyway.
As the saying goes, “Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So
work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt,
and dance like no one’s watching.”
We all must go through the stages of letting go, so I am aware of
it. For serious relationships, experts agree it takes half as long
as the relationship lasted to fully recover. Therefore, if you were
married ten years, anticipate five years of recovery. Recovered
means you think occasionally of the person, but they no longer
remain an influencing factor on your emotions, decisions or life.
You will no longer avoid events because it reminds you of him there.
You no longer dread running into someone once closer to him. You
will no longer talk about her or him to dates unless specifically
asked. You no longer dwell. Experiencing the loss and learning to
appreciate the good, while moving on with your life.
But this doesn't mean I will be miserable and a basket case for five
years. Now, I can say that I have recovered from the trauma of
loosing of a beloved after almost three years. Occasionally, I still
talk about him. His skills in cooking, his good food, his jokes and
his crazy experience in the Army. His influence upon my life helped
create the person I am today. Yet pain is a part of life and like
anything negative, there is always a better positive to be gained in
the end.
Are you familiar with the FOUR STAGES OF GRIEF by Laura Dawn Lewis?
For this book I have read was focused on the grief caused by
relationship break-ups, separation or divorce. The steps are the
same for any loss because I applied it to myself who had lost a
beloved almost three years now.
DENIAL. Getting through denial can be the most difficult part of
dealing with grief. Experiencing the loss and learning to appreciate
the good, while moving on with your life. Until you can overcome the
denial, you will never be able to experience a true color of life.
]It is in your best interest to be as honest and forthright with
yourself as possible. Your friends are your allies here, listen to
what they say, but most importantly, listen to your own gut
instincts.
DEPRESSION. Okay, you admit it. It’s over and you know he isn't
coming back, ever. The depression phase is about extremes. Suddenly,
life feels like it’s over. In women, depression is generally more
obvious as it can turn the most competent and confident woman into a
needy and insecure bundle of self-doubt. Whatever the method is by
which you internalize or deal with depression, it's important to
realize this is what is happening. Recognizing what is happening is
the first step in beating it. The depression phase can last for
months and in some cases even years (seek professional help if it
goes longer then sixty days). But if you're lucky, less than a week.
Yes it can be done, I got over it, thanks God.
Pain is real, dragging you down. You have no energy and speak with
certain apathy and feel forever on the edge of crying is the first
symptoms I have experienced. The most important idea to keep in mind
in this stage is that "This too shall pass". Moving thru depression?
I pampered myself silly. Splurge on a full body massage, buy that
new whatever you’ve been wanting but just haven’t bought. Go
shopping and enjoy every minute of it. Get a facial, a new haircut
(thanks to my friends in the parlor ), exercise, dance with friends
and go on a holiday trip. Support groups like my Rotary Club and
Toastmasters club have helped me best, notwithstanding the added
inspiration from Uplift Internationale’s mission for children, too.
Moreover, use words to minimize the effect. Instead of saying to
yourself, "I'm miserable" say, "I'm a little off today". Instead of
"I'm so depressed" try, "I have had better days". For "I miss
her/him" try "I've completed another chapter of my life". But I say,
it is easier said than done. At least I did my best and got over it.
ANGER. This is the final stage that takes some work getting through
but it also means that soon you’ll be back to your old self again.
Self-loathing can be caused when a woman blames herself of not
telling him to “Stop Smoking.” But I did, many times. He tried his
best, but to no avail. Angry with trials and challenges that will
lead you to get angry with people around you even if they did not do
any harm to you. You just feel like getting angry to something or
anything or to someone that has no reason at all.
ACCEPTANCE. You’ll know you have reached acceptance when:
you enjoy being around with people and could care less whatever
they say about you;
you realize that you do not need a partner in order to live your
life and enjoy it;
you rarely speak about him;
you no longer cry over your favorite song together, it simply just
another song;
you look forward to meeting new friends; (eligible men, please? )
and when alone, you no longer want or need to have conversation’s
about his memory.
Andrew Whaling, Director of Center for Singles said, “Heal your
emotions or they will get in the way. What is left unhealed is the
part of your heart you can never give away.”
It was my late husband Rtn. Lew, an active Rotarian by heart and
soul, who taught me that Service knows no barriers, not even
physical disability nor old age, color, creed nor race. To succeed,
we cannot afford to be lethargic nor complacent. Service should be
timely, responsive and relevant. He pushes me to what real action
means. The fire of service and love for others haven’t dimmed a bit
in his heart, until he joined our creator more than three years ago.
So part of my being a true Rotarian, is a tribute to my late
husband, RTN. LEW LUNN.
Rotary made me a better person than I was yesterday. Everyday with
Rotary is a miracle to me. Whenever I go around, Rotary friends will
always be there for me. The friendship and fellowship is enormously
outpouring, and this is what glued me to Rotary. Thru its principle
Service Above Self, Those Who Serves Best, Profits Most – my life
has never been the same again
I believe, everything in life has a purpose. All that is happening
in our life, God has a purpose. For whatever it will be, let HIS
WILL BE DONE./MSL |
