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Rufe's Auto Biografy |
| (Written by the International Treasurer, Rufus F. Chapin, in response to a, request, from the Managing Editor for a short biographical sketch) |
| Mr. Fillup Kellar, Deer Fillup Last spring you ast me for my auto biografy for you Rotary magazeen. At that time id onley just got my auto so i did‑dent feal reely compytent to rite 1. Butt now the sessons clozed i am what u call in frensh "o fay" wich meens eckspurt so i feal compytent to rite 1. Hens i am writing 1. In lookin round for the best car i run on 2 a feller hoo sed "dont by no meens by a new car cause they aint never no good untill thave been run a yeer.” “Theyer stif," he sed "and nead to be broak in be4 theyer eny good". he sed he had a car that wud b just a yeer old neckst munth an wassunt stif abit in fakt wus very limber. so i went around on its burthday eggsamind it critikally and bot it. He sed "this is a grate littel car & its well broak". i think now he ment busted. No sooner i gotta liesense than i Bgan to getta lotta letterachoor in my male wich i peeroosed with. mutch care & gatherd in mutch valubull informashyn. I red an ad wich sed "a Duphony carborater wood save 25 per sent on gassaleen" so i bot 1. Anuther ad sed "Badyeers tires saved 10 per sent" so i got sum. Gladiater spark pluggs saved 12%. Browns tire insertt 8%; snaggs piston rings 15%; jamisons bareings 10%; 9 in 1 oil 9%; Nocarb gassaleen mixshure 5%; Weeks' springs 6%, wich figgered up a saving of 100% so i callculated i woodent hafto by no gassalene a tall onley the Nocarb gassaleen mixshure hadda hav somee gassaleen to b mixt with. Garraj Man Peaved I ast the garraj man ifohe haddeny good gass. he sed i cud go as far on I galon of his gass as on ,2 of annyuther. So.i sed gimme a teacup, full I wanta mix it with my nocarb. Well the ol stif maid me by a galon. He woodent sell less wich was a reglar holdupp as i diddent nead so mutch. Furthermore he sed "that nocarb is bunk". Gee butt he was peaved. Well i started off down the fashinible Bool. Mich as we call it in SheCaugo and i maid quite a hit, speshully with the pleecemen hoo all hollard and cheared as I past by. aftura while the car stopt short and icuddent git it to buge a ninsh. Alotta fellers gathered round as thay do, you no, wen a car's stuk. Aff ter tryin a lotta things one fellar lookt in the tank & sed "yure outta gas", "that's alrite," seddi "i dont need none". "House that" seddee "wy" seddi "i gotta lotta gassaleen savers on my car that saves me 100TO (hundred persent). and ieenumerrated them an told him to figger it up 4 himself. "Thas rite" seddee, "an say" seddee, "im offirin the Massonik Tempel for sail for $4.50 cash. willya take it". i sed i was toorin and not byin reelestait butt if ida had the money with me ida took him upp. ididdent want him to no i was ~a littell short just then. So i mist'a good bargain. He wenta way without tellin me how toget the car goin again. Ihoap i meat him again so i hadda telefon the garraj man to come an git the car wich I left in the middell of the streat, wich he did neckst day. i ast him wat was the matter an he sed "nuthin" an charjed tnee thre bucks. i dunno wat he'd charjed if thare hadda ben sumthin rong with it or bussted. No Trubbel, Only Accidents The garraj man kindly tipt it off to me that know gentelman minded hisown car and sed id better lett him do it, wich i did and i aint hadda bit of trubbel since. Of coarse we hadda gitt anoo carborater or two an a jennyrater, a gross of spark pluggs, a starter spring, a cuppla setts of piston rings, six tires, a reer spring, a fue brake bands, a axel, and raydiater, a speedometer shafft, an a mudgard but outsidea that i ain't had a bit of trubbel. i will xcept 1ce when the wind carried a way my top wich was loos but that was a act of God an not trubbel. I mite ad a word of, Kawtion to ammychoors as to garraj men. 1ce when i drove in, the garraj man sed, "2 of your sillinders are missing" as soon as he was outa site i lookt under the.hood an counted the sillinders and thare wassunt none mssing - thay was both thare.' You bet I watched his billl that munth to see if he charjed me up with 2 missing sillinders butt i guess he noo i was onto him 4 thay wer'nt in the bill. Well the seesons on an im havin the car over halled. i ast the garraj man what was to b dun and , he sed he was goin to take the dents outa the wind‑sheeld, put noo springs in the referendum, reemoov the carbun from the corpus delicti, mannycure the transmishun, recharge the ultimatum, put a noo leek in the raydeater, sturrylize the air in the tires, an scrap off the seasons accumulashion of mud from the boddy. im glad he menshund the latter cause i forgett wat color my car is an its handy to no in case its stolen. the garraj man sez i'll be foolish to by a noo car so longs hees gott such a good repare shop an alotta guys hangin around for something to do. an his argyment sounds plausible. Well Fillup‑the 1st warm springday u ast Perry to lett you off fer a day an bring F. Jennings along and ill tack you for a good long ride up to Lincoln's Park. a good 2 mile run. We'll mack a day of it. i no all the cops upp that way. Wen they see me comming they goes and gets a "keep off the grass" sign an sticks it up on my raydiator and wen auto mobeelists see it they all smile at mee an steer cleer of me caws they think im a offisheel car of the park. i guess this is a bout tall of my auto biografy. Hopeing you are this aim Resp. - Rufe. N. B. Rufus Fisher Chapin, the treasurer of the I. A. of R. C., has recently been elected and installed as president of the Rotary Club of Chicago. |
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