Frank Deaver Peace Editorials

     The bride insisted on a “story-book” wedding, far more than she and her family could afford.  Hundreds of guests, exotic food and drink, an expensive band.  Her parents went into debt to give their daughter the “Cinderella Wedding” she wanted.  Guests felt obligated to shower her with lavish gifts.  When the festivities ended and the partying guests were gone, she sat surrounded by all the “things” she had anticipated with such expectation, and said to her mother, “But why am I not happy?”

     The obvious reality, although often overlooked, is that happiness is not found in things.  Happiness cannot be given by one person to another.  It cannot be purchased.  The commercial world is in the business of trying to sell happiness.  They want to convince us that we will be happy when we buy their beer, their clothes, their electronics, their car.  Even if we buy, and even if we are satisfied with the purchase, we soon discover that we have not bought happiness.

     We are conditioned to expect future happiness.  We say or think: “I will be happy when I get out of high school, when I get a college degree, when I get the job I want, when I get married, when I have children, when I retire . . . .”   We seem to be caught up in the constant pursuit of happiness, perhaps not ever feeling that we have “arrived.”  That feeling is expressed in the song, “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows.”

     But happiness is not something to be sought; instead, happiness is a by-product of the things we do.  Happiness is not so much in getting as in giving.  Winston Churchill said “We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.”

     It is told that Mahatma Gandhi was boarding a train just as it pulled out of a station, when one of his sandals slipped off his foot and fell back on the platform.  Quickly he took off the other sandal and threw it back where a beggar was picking up the first one.  “Why did you do that?” someone asked.  Gandhi replied, “One sandal will do neither of us any good.”

     Now we find ourselves in December, a month of celebration and the anticipation of happiness.  Rotarians in various societies of the world prepare for Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwaanza, or Winter Solstice.  Each includes traditions of giving, but increasingly they have become dominated by expectations of getting.

     A small child tears into a pile of Christmas presents, scattering wrapping paper everywhere, pushing aside one gift after another to look for more.  Finally opening the last package, he may look around in puzzled expectation, and declare, “Is that all there is?”

     In Rotary, that is not all there is.  The motto “Service Above Self” takes on added meaning in this final month of the year.  Not only is December designated “Family of Rotary” month, but it is a time when clubs and members emphasize sharing.  Not only do we give to community needs, but as a Rotary family, we give to each other the gifts of friendship, fellowship, and shared encouragement in service to others.

     That is the Rotary spirit.  That is the seasonal spirit.  That is the reward for giving.  And that is the source of happiness.  For happiness is not something we seek, it is the by-product of the things we do.